When I decided to devote an entire post to the top 7 (I couldn’t think of 10) hottest girls, girlfriends, fiances, wives, and companions of heavy metal, I had only one thing in mind: generating thousands of additional stray and random hits on Google searches from people like you! So yes, I completely pimped out my wonderful, authoritative, and well-respected heavy metal review blog like a cheap groupie whore offering twofers and freebies to low level security personnel in the hopes of reaching Bret Michaels’ sweaty nut sack after a Poison show on a hot August night. I feel disgusting. No, I am disgusting. Anyways, here is the final result of this new Gears of Rock low:
#7 Fai McNasty (Mick Mars of Motley Crue) When I first heard of 25 year old McNasty with Mick Mars, I was worried. Seemed like the Zurich native was only looking to make a name for herself, setting Mars up for disappointment. Then again, Mick wouldn’t tolerate such nonsense.
How you know her? She is Mick Mars girlfriend.
Hotness: 6 Coolness: 6 Heavy Metal: 7 Avg: 6.3
#6 Taya Parker (Bret Michaels of Poison) Rock of Love was dumb. Rock of Love Bus was dumber. We watched ‘em all and we are now brain dead.
How else you know her? Taya Parker was the 2009 Penthouse ”Pet of the Year” after posing nude in the January 2008 issue. She has also taken naked pictures for Playboy.com. Other than that, you may have known Parker as an exotic dancer/stripper in Las Vegas.
Hotness: 9 Coolness: 5 Heavy Metal: 7 Avg: 7
#5 Carmen Elektra (Rob Patterson of Otep) Ms. Elektra is certainly getting up there in age these days and has built quite a resume (from Prince to Rodman to Navarro) but is still composed of a high level of hotness that is also fueled by the rock attitude that she continues to embrace.
How you know her? Well, Carmen Elektra wore a hot red bathing suit on Baywatch, posed completely nude in Playboy magazine in a sexy photo spread in December 2000, and danced for the Pussycat Dolls.
Hotness: 9 Coolness: 7 Heavy Metal: 6 Avg: 7.3
#4 Tera Patrick (Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard and The Spyderz) Evan Seinfeld wrote a few sick metal tunes for Biohazard in the 90′s, now he is married to one of the hottest and most talented chicks in the porno biz. Update: Seinfeld split with Tera Patrick and is now with Little Lupe Fuentes, a young porn star often featured on the Howard Stern Show. It doesn’t suck to be Seinfeld whether you think he is a dick or not.
How you know her? From her adult movies put out by Vivid Video and Teravision (Island Fever, Teradise Island series, Virtual Sex, Flawless, Hustler’s InTERActive, and hundreds more). It is better to buy then download, or so I hear.
Hotness: 8.5 Coolness: 8 Heavy Metal: 7 Avg: 7.8
#3 Kat Von D (Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue) Nikki Sixx is very bad ass and would only date a super bad ass gal. Kat Von D has been the epitome of hard rocker chick as we have seen on her reality show L.A. Ink. Whether you find her tattoos to be repulsive or a brilliant work of art, you can’t deny the fact that she rocks.
How you know her? L.A. Ink, duh.
Hotness: 6 Coolness: 9 Heavy Metal: 9 Avg: 8
#2 Cristina Scabbia (Jim Root of Slipknot) Cristina “no damn h in it” Scabbia is not the hottest beauty on the planet. Instead, she is the hardest rocking woman in the universe. Even though Lacuna Coil’s last album was dull, a hot Italian girl that can front a metal band is many guy’s fantasy.
How you know her? Cristina Scabbia fronts Lacuna Coil.
Hotness: 6.5 Coolness: 8 Heavy Metal: 10 Avg: 8.2
#1 Sheri Moon Zombie (Rob Zombie) She’s metal. She’s hot. She’s into horror. She’s, well, all Zombie!
How you know her? She was a go-go dancer during Rob Zombie’s live shows in the late 90s if my memory serves me correct. Sheri Moon also starred in The Devils Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses, and Halloween.
Hotness: 7 Coolness: 10 Heavy Metal: 10 Avg: 9
Disclaimer: The arbitrary rankings used to compose this list are based on a scale of 10. None of the links above will take you to smut websites or pages with pornography, I hope. I also hope that you enjoyed the new low to which this blog sank.